I've always preferred the smell of a ranch. Warm earth. Horses. What if I had the courage to trade in this new MacBook for a pair of dirty jeans and cowgirl boots? What if I said no, I don't want the PhD? What if I spent my mornings brushing manes and letting all the poems stew for a while?
Of course this doesn't come from nowhere, but of course it's not as irrational as it may sound. I voice it because on this crazy new homefront, we're upgrading, upgrading, upgrading. From pc to mac, flip phones to LGs, no satellite tv for the boys to a room of their own w/internet, satellite, and x-box live.
No doubt my children want this, they love this, and they should--they are American, after all.
Yet this just doesn't sit well with me. The lining of my stomach is eating itself, and not only do I dread these monthly bills, I dread the need I feel. The need to check my email, to download the next fancy, pretty thing, the need to forget that I don't need any of this at all.
I can't stop listening to Tori this morning...crucify, everybody else's girl… I'm hitching a ride with the moon.
Can't wait to dive into Latin…the complex yet grounding nature of this dead language that no one around me will speak. Sounds like just the quiet I need.
And I wonder…who has thoughts about these constant upgrades we need…do you feel as torn as I do about the ease you feel when you get a new, faster & more "convenient" gadget? Or is this resistance just an unnecessary neuroses that I, alone, am feeling? Pray tell good friends and good strangers…I'd love to know.
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4 comments:
I'm currently neurotic about nesting type issues. Why don't I have cool artwork for my walls? Why does no one sell baker's racks anymore? Where can I get a cheap reading chair? Why don't all the books fit on the shelves? I get cranky when everything I buy at Lowe's doesn't work for the project I bought it for. And yes, the need. I need to stop living out of boxes. I need my carpet to be vacuumed, I need my toothbrush to go into a toothbrush holder.
These things pass, right?
I think so, Traci...and those things certainly seem closer to need than want, which is what I've been grappling with. The boys and I had a long talk about the difference this morning, because I come from a family that shouldn't indulge in every want and mistake it for need, but they do...have, always. And I've worked hard to resist my own "needs" and realize them for the wants they are. I know I can rock the 3-season-old shoes and shorts. Cuz I'm just cool like that. ;)
And I'm neurotic about nesting, too...does that come from our need to be surrounded w/those things, or for our house guests to see us surrounded with those things. I'm sometimes unsure (for myself).
Blast!
Thx for adding your thoughts, T.
Yes. I still have a phone with a 30-dollar-a-month plan. No TV. No satellite. Just got a Mac though.
Wow. I envy your ability to hang back, Deb. If it were just me, I'd be fine without any of the technology. Though, I do like the Showtime series Weeds a whole lot. Anyway, kids (or teens) really fall into the technology groove pretty easily.
Recently, someone purchased this MacBook for me (a very, very nice gift, I know), and I love it. But truth be told, I'd have let my old laptop go until it was consumed by viruses or running so loud I couldn't think to write (and really, it was halfway to both of those things).
Anyway...I say keep it simple. Especially for poets. And particularly for those of us w/children.
So, here's a question, Deb: does your daughter get the technology vibe from outside sources, or because you're relatively low-tech (for lack of a better word), is she pretty unaware? I like to imagine her playing with toys outside or swinging and teeter-tottering at some park down the way...though, I'm likely just remembering my own childhood, when we still had rotary phones. Man I miss those.
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